Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
