like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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