I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
