If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
