just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
