am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How naked do you want me to be?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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