I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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