If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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