I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If that was your dad, he is hot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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