i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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