I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
