Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Two words: blizzard sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The air taste purple.
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