i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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