he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
