you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
