I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
