Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
