The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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