My friends, they love my intelligence
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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