I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
