i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
