You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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