Plan B is the new Plan A
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
