Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
