Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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