If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
