after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
