i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
