Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will be naked everywhere
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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