If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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