Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
