I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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