My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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