i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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