Yo dont text me then not text me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
