I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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