just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
