WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
