Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
