Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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