no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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