i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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