Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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