My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
