Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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