Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
