do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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