I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
