Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
this is an emotional support booty call
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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