So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
