If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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