found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
whose parrot is this?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
