you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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