I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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