Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
