they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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