Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can't believe i had my finger in that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
