We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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