Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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