Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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