I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
