new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
