guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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