We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
