Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
