Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My ass is underappreciated
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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