With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
