I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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