i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
