I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
