Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
